Hello again, online diary!

Random picture is random, so it won't be too boring with all texts

Goshhhhh........ I did not change these past two years, didn't I (?) 

I still an unstable college student, still dependent (to almost to everyone). 

Still haven't make any significant progress in my inner life and inner mind.

Still love to wasting time, still lazy, still procrastinating a lot, still sleeps too much and too late.

But i left tea and changed it with coffee. ( i miss you tea, i miss the time we spent together)

But some said, my personality a bit changed (in a good way).

As we are all getting old, and I already 20 this year (duh) goodbye holly jolly molly beautiful teenage days! 

There was nothing frightening me more than stays in one place and never actually moving, when time always moving and left us all behind. (or some of you probably cheat the time).

Let’s pray from today and tomorrow on for those who left ‘teen age’ this year, days will filled with joyous  fun and superficial easywork ((what does that even meeaaann? Hahaha))

Let’s enjoy the years ahead, we probably won’t live too long.. make sure to prays and do good deeds!

For 2013, so long! Bye!

Cheers,

Natasya.

--Oh… (dang) I love to write, why I haven’t write anything back in 2013?

What is Love to me.

What is love?

 I recalled love is the first I opened my eyes and saw my mother smiled, the first time my hand touched her skin. Love is heard my dad cried a little when he held me in his arm, and when he prayed adzan and takbir on my ears.

Depiction of love to my parents are, real and true and will always forever linger in my heart.

Love to the opposite sex? Love for me is complex and stay with you forever. So I suppose to say, I've never been in love (in a context of a lover to be; not in same context with love to brother or family and friends).

Attracted?  Yes.

Love is not easy for me to say. But when I say I love you, I mean it.

Love for me is like growing up, it won’t suddenly show up big at first. It’ll slowly growing and getting bigger if you truly make it work. It won’t happen in one night, it’s like build a house. Slowly and part by part until it fully built. Then you can call it you are in love.

Beside loving my parents, the truest love for me is to fell in love with our creator.
I still in a phase of learn how to completely show my love. Why did I say I fell in love when I supposed to love Him ever since I came to world? Why?

Because for me Love is grow.

When I was a kid I always thought God were so far and too mighty for us human, a slave. (Till I found out there is nothing wrong with a slave fell in love with his rightful owner lol, just kidding) My love as a slave of God growing with nothing magical happened in my life (as in a miracle or somewhat; but I was sick once kind of sickness doctor can’t heal, probably. :p and miraculously I healed after I prayed) just being grateful and knows God always beside me slowly grew a feeling in me (of kinda fell in love).

And yes I was too late, I KNOW!  While everybody are long before I realized, already competing to steal His love and attention.

I actually ashamed of myself even though I says I love him I’m not good with prayers and often misses it and lazy to do it.

And in some occasion I only came for Him when I needed help and needed a place to cry. Because He always there for me and never leave me, even sometimes I neglect Him and forget my duty as His creation.

I just don’t get the way God love works, and I could never repay it. I know. We know. And it makes me deeply sad and regret all of my mistakes I had done. I wish I could truly show Him how grateful I am to have a chance to know to love and to get back to Him again.

Because for me to be in Love is to learning to love, and learning how to truly show your love and how you spend time to take care of your love. How you make your love important and always be a part of your life.

Alhamdulliah for everything ya Allah… You never, even once leaving me, in fact You always pull me back when I run too far.

Some said, fall in love with Allah first then Allah will show you the right person. So, that's how sacred and pure love is...

I don’t know when will come the time I’ll mean to say ‘I love you’.

With love,

Natasya.